Category: 1


My God

Well no bedbugs this week – guess it’s time to send some more queries out!

Bedbug British Style

From an agency in England

Dear David,

Thank you for sending us your work, Undertow. I am afraid that, despite its qualities, we do not feel confident enough to offer to represent you.

I apologise for the impersonal nature of this email, and for the time it has taken for us to get back to you.

We would like to wish you better luck in finding more suitable representation elsewhere.

Kind regards,

Hxxxxx

My, my how very proper. They use my name AND the title. So they get a star for that, but a demerit for this “I apologise for the impersonal nature of this email.” – I have sneaking suspicion they don’t really mean it.

Bedbug #2

Thank you so much for the opportunity to review your work.

It is not a good fit for me, but I wish you the best of luck.

Jxxxxx

Pxxxxx Txxxx Literary Agency

Hers another one that starts off with no salutation and no mention of the work itself. Got to love “the best of luck closer.” – Very Good!

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in our agency.  We have reviewed the material you sent regarding your book project and are sorry to report to you that we will not ask to consider your work for representation.

Please understand that we are a very small agency and take on practically no new clients.  With limited time and personnel, we’ve learned to trust our instincts about whether there would be a good fit between a particular writer and us.  We certainly recognize that we might well be passing up a good opportunity.

We wish you the best of luck in placing this with another agent and ultimately, a publisher.

Sincerely,
Bxxxx CXXXXX
Nxxxxn Sxxxx Agency, Inc.

Oh burn, another Dear Author Bedbug, but it’s not so bad. They don’t address the work by name either, so we’ll put them in the row with the other similar ones. But at least they seem to have a sense of humor “…We certainly recognize that we might well be passing up a good opportunity.” Really?

Whoops

Sent out a Query with a typo. OMG. Guess I’m ’bout ready for the firing squad.

Bed Bug #3 re Merit

Well today is a banner day – 3 rejects. Nice to know that so many people are thinking of me.

Dear David,

Thank you for your query of UNDERTOW.  Although your story has merit, ultimately this is not a project for me.  However, this is only one agent’s opinion, so do not be discouraged.

Again, thank you and much success to you and your writing career.

Sincerely,

Cxxxx Pxxxxx
The Pxxxxx Literary Agency

“Although your story has merit, ultimately this is not a project for me” – hmm, the story has merit but not for them? Is there a scale for merit that I’m not aware of perhaps?

Nina Simone

Wow!

So by the above standard I’ll be done editing my book – by um, ah, I think 2013 – or there abouts.

Weeeeeeee

Sent a query on December 18 and got this back today – over three months later!

Sorry xxxx, but no queries are usually more than 4-6 weeks old. I am pretty certain we wouldn’t still have something from December. Feel free to send the query again – no need for sample chapters at this stage.

Now can someone please tell me who in their right mind would resubmit to this agent? One would have to wonder how an agent like this would represent you to a publisher, no?

Todays Bedbug

Dear Author:

Thanks for your query. I apologize for this form response, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impossible to send individual replies in every case.

As to your material, I am afraid I must pass. I represent a very full list of writers, and must be highly selective in adding to it. I realize that it is difficult to judge your potential from a query alone; nevertheless, please know that we give serious attention to every letter, outline and writing sample that we receive.

I wish I could talk with every author who contacts us. Although that is not possible, you can read an interview with me on the subject of career development on my agency’s website at vvv.vvvv.om .

Thank you for contacting me. I wish you the very best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Mcccc Daaaa

Again no salutation, which is always nice. Got to love this part “….. you can read an interview with me” – hmmm, I thought it was authors that paid their salary. Question. How much would agents make without us?