Archive for February, 2010


dhcundertow

dhcundertow on wordpress

Hockney

The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you’re an artist.
David Hockney

February

The road is the same color as the sky, lead gray. But as I look out into the yard from my studio upstairs I think I see that our lawn has just the slightest hint of green to it.

I’m thinking that perhaps if I air dropped my novel on LA and NYC, then maybe that would get someone’s attention?

No 13

Dear Author:

Thank you for querying xxxxx & xxxxxx Literary Associates about your book project.

We have carefully evaluated your materials and regrettably, your project is not a right fit for our agency.  We currently have a very full clientele and must be highly selective about the new projects we pursue.

Thank you again for thinking of us. Please know that we wish you much success in all of your writing and publishing endeavors.

Sincerely yours,

“We have carefully evaluated your material.” – Y’know I’m  sorry to say that I just really don’t believe that you carefully evaluated my material – at all. And that’s because you never mention it by name.

Browne & Miller Literary Associates

No 14

This email was sent on behalf of Mxxxx Cxxxxthrough the account of his assistant.

Dear Dxxxx Cxxx,

Thanks for your query regarding UNDERTOW. I’m afraid, however, that I don’t think I’m the best agent for your work.

I wish you the best of luck in your publishing endeavors.

Kind regards,

Mxxxx Cxxxxx

It’s always bad to hear from the assistant.

No 15

Thanks for your inquiry.

I’ve begun receiving more than 30 submissions a day and, as a single agent with no assistants, I simply can not get to them all.

Given my present workload, I must wish you well with another agent.

Hmmm, I wonder how much this agent would make representing no authors?

Best,

Bob

Dear Mr. Coxxxx:

This doesn’t sound right for me, but I thank you for your query and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Gxxx

“This doesn’t sound right for me.” – ah, WHAT doesn’t sound right?

No 17

Dear Mr. Cxxxxx,

Thank you for your query.  Unfortunately, your material is not right for the agents at our company.

We wish you the best of luck finding an enthusiastic agent and we thank you again for thinking of us.

Sincerely,

Hxx

“Unfortunately, your material is not right for the agents at our company.” This is the double whammy. My tilte isn’t mentioned, nor is their company.


Unfortunately, your material is not right for the agents at our company

No 18

Dear David:

Thank you for your email.  While your project sounds interesting, I don’t think it is right for my list at this time. I appreciate your querying us, and wish you good luck in finding the right agent who can successfully champion your work.

Sincerely,

JxxxMxxxxx

“… good luck in finding the right agent who can successfully champion your work.” Gotta love the word champion.